


All In a Day's Warner

by m1met1mw



Category: Animaniacs
Genre: Comedy, Don't Judge Me, I like Animaniacs, Sibling Bonding, Slice of Life, Vignettes, i was bored
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-19
Updated: 2020-12-20
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:26:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28161642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/m1met1mw/pseuds/m1met1mw
Summary: Slice of life vignettes, drabbles, songs, stories, and more featuring the Warner siblings and friends!
Relationships: Dot Warner & Wakko Warner & Yakko Warner
Comments: 8
Kudos: 63





	1. The Warners Don't Go Viral

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scratchansniff, Hello Nurse, and a few mousey friends take it upon themselves to get the kids their first doctor's appointment, much to the chagrin of the eldest Warner sibling.

Dr. Scratchansniff, despite the grandiose notion of his honorific and the many dusty placards that lined his office, was not ACTUALLY a doctor. Not in the “ow, I broke a toe please help me, doc” way, nor the “give me 20 cc of whatchamacallitfluid stat, doc” way, at least. Yakko was well aware P-psychiatry degrees awarded doctorates, but he had yet to figure out _why_. It was a constant puzzle to consider every time he and his siblings left a session feeling the same zaniness as ever. They were never healed or mended in any meaningful way, never given little lollipops on a job well done. Dr. Scratchansniff was nothing like the doctors he and his sibs witness on the various hospital-related television shows that have spawned since the late 90s. So, with all of Yakko’s consideration of the matter of fakey doctorates, it was no wonder he blurted out the question one fateful September eve while attempting to yak the good Doctor’s ear off at another family session.

“Yakko, of course I am not like _those_ doctors! I am a psychiatrist, most of them cardiologists or pediatricians or gastroenterologists-- vait, have you not been to any other doctors?” Dr. Scratchansniff asked over his laced fingers. The redness of his cheeks, built up over the past thirty minutes by Dot and Wakko bouncing off the walls and Yakko perfectly dodging stupid psychological questions, faded back to it’s usual pale tone. What a waste of wonderful zaniness! He didn’t even steam up! As if noticing this sudden change of attitude, Dot and Wakko appeared from behind Scratchansniff and began systematically unscrewing every bolt and nail they could find on his desk legs. When that proved to be too tedious, Dot brandished a long, wobbly saw and began slicing away with her brother. Scratchansniff seemed none the wiser. 

“Uuuuuuuuh, you think I’d know where to find another doctor, Scratchy?” Yakko said with a wry smile. A crash came and went, along with a cloud of sawdust. Dot and Wakko settled on either side of him, dusting off the remains of Scratchansniff’s newly ruined desk. The distraction of Yakko’s slip-up seemed to be enough to keep him from noticing-- he lowered his hands and floated them in the air where the desk had been mere seconds ago. Wakko copied him with a cocky grin.

“Yes, actually, Yakko. You seem to have no trouble finding ice cream shops to lounge at or adults to torment. I vould have thought hospitals vould be easy!” Dr. Scratchansniff said.

“Yakko says hospitals aren’t fun, Scratchy. Why bother with boring things!” Dot pipped up, as always a more direct line to Yakko’s brain than his own mouth. 

“Vell, Miss Dot, you must alvays have your checkups! Little kiddies like you need to visit a pediatrician at least twice a year! When was your last check up?” Dr. Scratchansniff cast his oblivious stare over them. Dot and Wakko turned to stare up at Yakko, who found the ceiling to be an _incredibly_ interesting shade of off-white.

“Yakko, what’s a check-up?” Wakko asked, ruining any hopes of Yakko coming up with his verbal gymnastics to avoid responsibility. 

“Isn’t that the guy who’s always worried about guns?” Dot wondered out loud.

“Yakko, vhat vould happen if your siblings got sick! Are they vaccinated?” Dr. Scratchansniff looked shocked. He still hadn’t noticed his desk. 

“Yeah, Scratchy, we very much need shots, seeing as we got all this blood and skin and such,” Yakko made a show of pulling his face into a long beak and turning his arms into limp noodles. Wakko and Dot gleefully transformed themselves into a puddle of ink and an impeccable imitation of The Thinker statue. It was a toon thing. “I didn’t think we’d need ‘em, and--”

“Vell, I happen to know someone who can check for you, at least. Better safe than sorry.” Dr. Scratchansniff clinked the air where he may have, at one point, had an intercom to call for his assistant. “Hello Nurse vill give you a ride. Now, leave me be, little zanies. I have a meeting with Brad Pitt in about…” He glanced down at where his digital clock and desk once was. 

Yakko, Wakko, and Dot rose in quick succession and gave their deepest, most polite bows. “See ya next week, Scratchy!” They chimed in melodic unison before they rushed out the office doors and down into the lobby. A string of beautifully censorable words floated out after them.

“That was fun,” Dot hummed as she skipped past Hello Nurse’s desk. Yakko herded them towards the exit as casually as possible, but Wakko stopped at their favorite Nurse’s side to blow her a little kiss. Before they could turn to leave for good, Hello Nurse stood and jingled a pair of keys in their direction.

“Are we ready to go?” She asked with her usual sly smile.

“Oh yes, we were just leaving!” Yakko assured her, shoving Dot and Wakko towards the door. 

“Oh no, you kids are coming with me to the doctors! Dr. Scratchansniff said you have to get there as soon as possible!” She explained. The Warners shared confused glances.

“Uuuh, how’d you know about that?” Yakko asked.

“Yeah, didn’t we ruin his--”

“I heard it from the intercom,” she explained, which didn’t help, because it didn’t make any sense. Then, the Warners realized that, hey, what’s the use in sense? Besides change, and humor, and direction-- Yakko almost felt the urge to burst back into their Senses dirge.

“Can we get on with this?” Dot whined, whirling her finger around. Hello Nurse agreed with a sultry nod and guided the Warners out the door, into a slick red sports car, and down about three blocks before she stopped and waved them out in front of the fakest looking hospital set on the lot.

“Well, there you are, kids! Don’t worry about paying, Warner Bros. has pretty decent insurance!” She called.

“I didn’t realize we were covered!” Yakko said.

“Well, let’s hope they don’t either! Bye-bye now!” She put the car into reverse and sped right back into her spot in front of Scratchy’s office, cutting off some stressed-looking pretty boy attempting to pull in. 

“Well, this has been an exciting one thousand and thirty-three words already,” Dot hummed as she pranced towards the entrance. “So, let’s get this over with!”

“Or we could go home,” Yakko suggested, jutting a thumb towards their tower in the distance. It was a lovely Burbank evening, smoggy and orange, perhaps they could take their time bouncing back and NOT go into the cardboard-cut-out-hospital in front of them. Dot eyed him, then considered the hospital behind her.

“But Dr. Scratchansniff said we had to,” she said.

“Since when did we listen to what Scratchy told us to do, sister-sib?” Yakko asked and shoved his hands into his pockets. He twirled around once, twice, then started towards the tower.

“I mean, what if it _is_ fun! We’ve never had a check-up before. Maybe you’ve been holding out on us,” she called after him.

“Oh, I know you’ve seen all of _Grey’s Anatomy,_ Dot, I know what you’re playing at. Let me tell you, there is nothing actually fun in there.”

“On the contrary, I think a heated kiss amongst the gurneys and IVs is _plenty_ fun!” Dot cried.

“Yeah, well, I don’t think you’ll find your hunky nurses in there. C’mon, let’s go.”

“You’re scared of hospitals, aren’t you, Yakko?” She finally said with a coy grin. 

“No! Of course not!” Yakko lied, whirling around to face her.

Wakko glanced between them, his tongue lolling out of his confused puckered lips. “Are hospitals scary? They seem pretty lame on all those shows with the boring guy nurses.”

“No, they’re not scary Wakko… At least, not to normal people,” she patted Wakko’s shoulder and shot Yakko another devious smile. “Come, come, brother-o-mine. Let’s get our check-up like the good kiddies we are so we can tell Scratchy allllll about it. And when he asks where Yakko was, well, what should we say, Wakko?”

“Hmm,” Wakko finally seemed to catch on, much to Yakko’s chagrin, “well, maybe we should tell him that Yakko was scared and didn’t go! I think Scratchy would appreciate that, he can ask Yakko more questions about being scared of things! Oh! And then maybe he can take Yakko all by himself, just to make sure he feels _safe_. Don’t want the big baby all scared of a clean ol’ building, right, sis?”

Dot slapped her knee and laughed. “Right! Right!”

“Hardy-har-har. Are you two done?” Yakko tapped his foot impatiently and stared up at the uneven red cross above them. “Let’s just get this over with.”

The Warners pushed through the rickety wooden doors and found a movie set-version of a hospital. Clean tiles, empty rooms filled with cameras and the real guts of the set, a waiting section which housed sleeping PAs and one poor scriptwriter furiously going through and rewriting some sort of booklet. At the main desk sat a familiar white rodent reading a cheese-related magazine-- the deadly art of cliche had yet to make the bright, insane Pinky self-conscious of his mousey interests.

“Pinky! What are you doing here!” Wakko said as he stood on his tippy toes to see over the desk.

“Oh, Brain and I got part-time jobs, NARF! Didn’t expect to see you three in here, though! Do you have an appointment?” Pinky swiveled around in his little bottle-cap seat and tapped something into a mouse-sized computer. “A… Checkup, perhaps?” He asked with a grin.

“That’s right, Pinky! By the way, are you the only nurse here? Perhaps you have an Eli or a Dell around here somewhere…” Dot glanced about obnoxiously, leaning over each body in the room, earning a few annoyed stares back from the exhausted PAs. Pinky shook his head.

“Sorry, Ms. Dot! Just me and Brain today, poit! Lucky for you that means there’s no wait though! Head right into that room over there and Brain will get you all checked up and such,” he said with his usual merry grin.

“Now, that was painless. Wakko, don’t eat that,” Dot slapped Wakko away from the blue vinyl seats in the waiting room and gestured for her brothers to follow her. 

To be fair to The Brain, their examining room was relatively normal. The tiles were a lovely pale blue and the walls more of an eggshell than the hideous off-white which now continued to plague Yakko after his glancing at it in Scratchy’s office. The black, plush table was lined with paper and large enough to seat all three Warners. Yakko tentatively glanced around the room, keeping his arms taut to his body. Wakko had snatched up the tissue box as soon as he saw it and was chowing down on lavender-scented lotion Kleenex. Dot inspected the hazardous materials bin and mumbled something about her pet being right at home in there. Yakko’s sibs were, for all intents and purposes, calm as cucumbers. He felt a little silly for feeling like the world was going to end as soon as the doctor walked in the room. 

The Brain walked in a mere second after Yakko paused to consider his anxious notions. Evidently, the world didn’t end, and under The Brain’s consistent obtuseness, it probably wouldn’t.

“Ah. The Warners. Good to see you, how have you been?” The Brain said, mostly paying attention to the clipboard in his hand that seemed to possess all their (lacking) medical information. 

“Uuuuh, fine thanks. Hey, Brain, hate to ask any stupid questions, truly, I do, but when did _you_ become a doctor,” Yakko asked apprehensively. 

“Yeah, what about the world! Aren’t ya tryin’ to take that over still?” Wakko asked around a mouthful of wet tissue. He swallowed and belched, earning a groan from Dot, who had finally settled in beside Yakko.

“Well, I did have a new plan which involved becoming a doctor and nano chipping every child in the world through all these vaccines, but many parents seem to lack a basic understanding of how these shots work and often refuse necessary medicine! Truly, the world is filled with cruel, senseless people,” The Brain clicked his tongue. “Anyway, why waste a doctorate. Let’s get started.”

The Warners were put through various tortures and tickles, though, by the end of it Brain was the one most riddled with bruises and contusions. He should’ve realized after checking Dot’s reflexes and getting a pie to the face that this wasn’t going to be an easy appointment. For Yakko, it was the most fun he’d ever had in a doctor’s office. He literally talked Brain’s ear off by shouting into his stethoscope and found himself crying with laughter after Brain accidentally tickled Wakko hard enough to make him cough up a full snowstorm of wet Kleenex. 

The end of the appointment came, though, and the dread Yakko had swallowed down since entering the room was back in full force when he heard Brain weakly uttered the phrase, “Time for your shots…”

“Shots?” Dot and Wakko echoed, glancing at him. Yakko swallowed hard.

“How many shots do we need…?” He asked, slower than he had ever spoken before. The Brain cleared his throat and unbent his crooked ear.

“Just the two, for measles and the flu. I trust you not to… Overreact.”

“Ha, well, let’s just say you’d be getting nowhere as a mind reader, Mr. The Brain,” Yakko said, hugging himself to hide away the vulnerable flesh of his arms. Pinky entered the room with a tray of three horrifying needles, cute little bandaids, and disinfecting swabs. Yakko balked and jumped onto the table, back arched like a cat. Wakko and Dot stared from the needles to him, heads cocked like lost puppies.

“Really, Yakko. Think of your siblings. Wouldn't you want to make a good example for them?” Brain said, coaxingly, as if he were really trying to convince Yakko to shut up and let him get poked in the arm by that horrifying silver--

“Does it hurt or somethin’?” Wakko whimpered, tail shivering, and Yakko was suddenly at his side, patting his head to try and brush away all the growing fear that was beginning to spurn within his little brother. Well, this was an unexpected side effect of his trypanophobia-- causing the same painful anxiety within his little sibs. Dot, bless her, was trying to look strong enough for all three of them, but he could see the weariness in her gaze as she kept pausing to look at the tray of needles. 

The Brain raised an eyebrow. “Yakko, Wakko, Dot, I need you all to settle. Can you do that?”

“No,” they said in unison, out of habit. Yakko sighed and followed it up with an immediate, “Just kidding, yes.” Shocking everyone in the room. He settled back down beside Wakko and Dot and bravely lifted his chin. He wouldn’t do it to avoid illness, nor would he do it because he was a big brave grown-up who wasn’t afraid of needles. No, God no, he _hated_ needles, but the only thing he hated more than them was seeing fear penetrate the usual giddiness of his little sibs. With a resigned groan, he held out his arm to the mice. Pinky and Brain clambered onto the table, swabbed his fur with the wet wipe, and before they could poke him with the syringe he turned to find Wakko and Dot grinning at him happily. He smiled back and--

“All done!” Pinky declared, slapping a bandaid on his arm.

“Wait, what? That’s it?” Yakko flexed his arm and watched the yellow patch swell and diminish. “I didn’t even feel it.”

“Well, of course. I’m a genius,” The Brain said deviously, moving down the line to inject the other two Warners with the same gentle touch. Dot and Wakko pressed against each other to show Yakko their matching bandaids. Yakko, finally, smiled, ruffling their heads.

“Alright, that wasn’t so bad.” Yakko moved to stand, shooting his sibs bodybuilder poses to show off his newfound courage.

“Oh, we’re not done. You have another injection!” Pinky called before darting out of the room.

“Oh, well, if it’s as easy as the first one--” Yakko turned to the door and watched as Pinky returned with a massive needle, at least triple the size of himself and The Brain combined. He smiled happily up at the Warners, who fell back into the corner of the room in dramatized, childish fright.

“Alright, kids. Time for your shots--” 

At Dr. Scratchansniff’s office, the good doctor had finally managed to rebuild his desk. The moon was rising over the Warner Brothers Studios lot, full and bright. All was quiet and peaceful, completely devoid of zaniness, just as it should be. As Scratchy was pounding in the final nail, a resounding cry of “NO!” suddenly rattled through the entirety of Burbank. The resulting earthquake sent the desk toppling back over into a pile of splinters and sawdust. Scratchansniff stared up at the ceiling, defeat clear on his wrinkled face, and with a deep, bone-tired sigh, he said, “I really should repaint this room.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Make sure you get your shots, kids!
> 
> This is short, unbeta'd, and mostly written for fun. Yes, I did make this in an hour. Yes, I have many ideas for Warners fics. No, I don't know if I'll write them all. I hope you enjoy the story!
> 
> If anyone has requests or ideas they’d like to see written, drop ‘em in the comments! I might get to ‘em!
> 
> Follow my Animaniacs twitter! I post episode clips and generally talk about these cool sibs. @animaniacsmime


	2. The Animaniacs Show

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A consideration into a sit-com style “Animaniacs”, inspired by the endlessly funny “The Looney Tunes Show”. Features character concepts and an unfinished first chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will probably never be finished, but perhaps some people may appreciate the concept and prose.

CHARACTER LIST

  * The Warners
    * Yakko Warner: The oldest Warner sibling and the most responsible. Though he is easily pulled along by the whims of his brother and sister still, Yakko has been grounded somewhat in reality, now preferring to use wit rather than cartoonish gags to get his way. He’s a smart aleck with a penchant for tormenting figures of authority, and now that he’s a freshman in high school, he has his pick of the litter when it comes to finding victims for his and his sibs’ antics. His interests include history, theater, and vaudeville/black and white comedies.
    * Wakko Warner: The middlest Warner sibling and the most prone to zaniness. He’s an air-head with a heart of gold, a monster appetite, and a habit of losing things in his gag bag. He is the least affected by reality and thus manages to keep his slapstick persona. Wakko relies on his siblings to explain more complex ideas and is a rather bad student due to fluttering attention-span. Like his siblings, he has a strong dislike for authority figures and is happy to enact revenge when he or others are wronged by such individuals. His interests include cooking, playing his various instruments, and Don Knotts videos.
    * Dot Warner: The youngest Warner sibling and the quickest to anger. Dot, at first glance, is a darling little girl with a love for all things cute, but the truth of the matter is that she is nearly on par with Yakko when it comes to intelligence and wit. She is confident, self-assured, and obstinate to a fault. She differs from her brothers in various ways, including vanity and a general interest in being liked by her fellow classmates and neighbors, but her thirst for antics and love for torturing cruel and abusive adults makes her more like them then she cares to admit. Her interests include fashion, record collecting, and civil services. 
    * Dot’s Pet: A little white box containing a monstrous entity that can apparently shapeshift?
  * Neighbors
    * Dr. Otto von Scratchansniff: The Warner’s immediate next door neighbor and their primary target for heinous schemes and delightful dirges. He is a renowned psychiatrist known for working with the Hollywood elite. Despite being driven mad by his proximity to the Warner siblings, he seems to treat them as his own children and generally has their well-being in mind. He often cooks for them and is there to listen to their troubles, even if they are messing with him half the time. He is quick to annoy, eager to help others, and loyal to whomever is paying his checks. He has adopted Rita and Runt and has a girlfriend, Frau Hassenfeffer.
    * Rita: Scratchy’s pet cat and local songbird, Rita can often be found wandering the neighborhood with her friend Runt. She is well known in the area for her beautiful singing voice and dry-wit. She has a wry sense of humor and is sarcastic to a fault.
    * Runt: Scratchy’s pet dog and Rita’s best friend. He is a dim-witted mutt with a strong sense of love for anyone willing to give him some food and pets. He adores Rita and is never far from her side. He is not aware that Rita is a cat and is, in fact, quick to anger if told there is a cat in the area.
    * Slappy Squirrel: The Warner’s downstairs neighbor and the complex’s local crotchety old lady. She is a retired cartoon star now living in the afterglow of a very impressive career. Time has made her a cranky, bitter individual, with her only source of joy apparently being her young nephew Skippy. She is either annoyed or impressed by the antics of the Warners, depending on how they affect her. She is also prone to zaniness and gets along well with Wakko, all to the dismay of Dr. Scratchansniff. She encompasses the Older generation.
    * Skippy Squirrel: Slappy’s young, happy-go-lucky nephew and a fellow classmate to Dot and Wakko. He is often the one to try and convince his aunt not to enact revenge on everyone and thing that get on her nerves. Despite this, he has a devious streak, and is happy to act in spite if there is a fun way to do so. He is often annoyed by the Warners, especially in school, though he tries his best to befriend Dot and Wakko so the two aren’t alone. He is interested in psychedelic rock, baseball, and old cartoons. He encompasses the Younger generation.
    * The Brain: An escaped lab mouse who currently resides in the Warner’s walls. The Brain has one goal: TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD (!) and with his partner Pinky at his side it is only a matter of time… Or, so he thinks. Brain is a megalomaniac with a penchant for missing the finer details in both life and in his work. He’s hard-working, eloquent, and incredibly intelligent. When he is not trying to keep the Warners (or Pinky) from accidentally messing up his schemes, he is usually subbing in as a science teacher at the local public schools to pay for his countless plots. 
    * Pinky: Brain’s half-witted partner and the heart of the duo. Pinky has managed to make the apartment’s walls a comfortable home for himself and Brain and is more than happy to talk for hours on end with his various neighbors (he favors Dot; they have Slumber Parties!!). Pinky is a frazzled little mouse with a habit for drifting off elsewhere during conversations and throwing non-sequiturs out whenever he has a chance. Despite his fatal flaw of idiocy, his loyalty to Brain is unwavering and his empathy is unmatched. He is usually Brain’s aid when they are subbing as science teachers.
    * The Goodfeathers: Squit, Pesto, and Bobby are birds of a feather. They do, indeed, flock together, usually on top of the apartment building, where everyone can hear their bickering day in and day out. Squit is the most cheerful and loyal, Pesto the quickest to anger, and Bobby the more stoic and de-facto leader. They often find themselves in some sort of trouble, either between themselves or with other birds in the area. Yakko often finds himself as a mediator for the trio, much to his chagrin. 
  * Friends and Enemies
    * Chicken Boo: A giant chicken who just won’t stop pretending to be humans. The Warners usually catch onto his schemes fast and are quick to ruin his day whenever they happen to catch him. He is devious yet stupid.
    * Katie Kaboom: Yakko’s classmate and often an explosive end to many of the Warners’ schemes. She is a regular teenager until you set her off, as her family knows all too well. Her monster form varies.
    * Thaddeus “T.P.” Plotz: Once a big time studio executive, Plotz has retired to the suburbs to act as a principle for the public school the Warners attend. By the time he realized who they were, it was much too late. His abuse of authority often makes him the target for the Warners’ ploys. He is short-tempered and individualistic. 
    * Ralph: A security guard for the school. Dim-witted and slow, he is often set about chasing the Warners down when they are running amok. 
    * Minerva Mink: An incredibly attractive online influencer who often gets herself mixed up in shady business. Her looks are her biggest strength and her greatest weakness, as she often attracts unruly sorts. She is also quite easily enamored by other equally hot people. Her vanity has often caught the eye of the Warners, leading to conflicts between them.
    * Hello Nurse: Scratchansniff’s assistant AND a part time nurse at the school AND a secret agent who fends off the baddies looking to wreak havoc across the suburban Burbank area. She is intelligent, kind, and introverted
    * Nora Rita Norita: A Hollywood exec who often hires the Warners for stunts, writing, and general backstage work. She’s the reason they have an apartment in the first place. She is a stern, selfish woman with a penchant for dramatics and a habit of going off in anger.



———

UNFINISHED FIRST CHAPTER: Zany to the Max

On a dry autumn afternoon, in apartment 4C of the Waterside “Luxury” Apartment Complex, the Warners found themselves in the middle of another lecture. Yakko, Wakko, and Dot sat in their usual hierarchy order on the patchwork couch and followed the fuming Dr. Scratchansniff with their eyes. The carpet beneath his feet was just about smoking from continuous, rageful friction. It had been nearly an hour since school had ended, half an hour since they got home, and twenty minutes since Scratchy started his admonishing. Yakko struggled to keep his trap shut. No use exacerbating tensions-- at least, not yet.

“This is the third call in  _ two days _ ! Three whole calls about your zany und wacky behavior! If this keeps up you’ll be expelled!” He shouted, words thick and twisted around with his German accent. “Do you  _ want _ to be expelled? You’ve got this once in a lifetime opportunity and you plan to mess it up in the first month?” 

“To be fair, we didn’t think we’d get this far,” Yakko said, quick and sharp. Wakko and Dot both ducked their heads to stifle laughter. Scratchy, on the other hand, turned on a swivel and slammed his heel down. On cue, a thump from the floor below them resounded back-- Slappy Squirrel was not a fan of stomping feet.

“Sorry Miss Squirrel!” Scratchy called, which earned him another thump and a string of colorful curses.

“Well, she’s in a bad mood,” Wakko mumbled.

“Yeah, I would be too if the big-headed P-sychatrist above me kept stomping around like Godzilla,” Dot said into her palm. Scratchansniff reached out and pinched her ear hard enough to make her squeak. “Ow! Scratchy! That hurt!” She cried. 

“Dot, cute little missies cannot be so mean!” Scratchansniff chastised. Yakko watched Dot will crocodile tears into existence and rolled his eyes.

“Way’ta go, Scratchy, now she’s gonna pretend to cry,” Yakko groaned.

“Oh, Dot--” Scratchansniff began, but Dot’s whimpers turned into loud bawling.

“I’m-- not-- pretending!” Dot blubbered. 

“Are too,” Yakko countered.

“Are NOT!”

“Can we just get this over with?” Wakko whined, “I gotta go feed my homework to Runt.”

“There will be NO homework-feeding or fakey-fake crying. I need you three to promise me you will NOT bother your poor teachers anymore, ever,” Scratchansniff said with the same tone of finality that he usually reserved for the end of their “therapy” sessions.

“Ever?” The trio said in unison.

“Ever.”

“But what if they’re mean to us,” Dot whined, rubbing away any of the remaining fake tears. “If they’re mean, what are we supposed to do? Sit there and take it?”

“Preferably, you could come to  _ me _ , or your principle, but if it is between sitting there or tormenting the poor person I would have to say the latter is best.”

Wakko’s tongue lolled from his mouth. His expression was open and vulnerable and Yakko pressed further into the couch to keep from jumping up and into song for whatever confusion his little brother was about to voice. “But what if they say something funny, Scratchy? When do we laugh?”

“You should try und NOT laugh, Wakko,” Scratchy said.

“NOT laugh?” Wakko asked, head tilted.

“He wants us to be  _ normal, _ Wakko. Regular kids, ya know, like Skippy, real polite,” Dot explained, exasperated. 

“But Skippy might be  _ worse  _ than us—“ Wakko’s words drifted off as Yakko turned his attention to the apartment window. The sky was a pale blue, cracked with clouds and heat. His mind trudged on like a little soldier, considering their options.

It was a simple enough concept-- being good, sweet kiddies, polite and trained to only speak when spoken to, be seen and not heard, etcetera, etcetera. The only issue with the concept was the subject at hand; the Warners. To be honest, it wasn’t ENTIRELY their fault they were zany little monsters. They were drawn that way-- developed with the thoughts and ideas of children who love to run amok, to talk people in circles, to become the karmic downfall of every admonishing adult that dared to cross them. Yakko liked his sharp tongue and sarcastic sensibilities. Being able to talk an adult into a corner was fun. He liked his sibs, with their wacky skits and devilishly cute demeanors. But he also liked school— for the first time in all his life he was allowed to sit and listen to other people talk about geography and division and more. People smarter than Ms. Flamiel could teach him everything he had yet to learn. Even Wakko could pick up a thing or two if he was lucky. Expulsion was a nightmare scenario, one daunting enough to keep his quips away.

With uncharacteristic silence came curiosity. Scratchansniff looked expectantly his way, ever aware of his place as the leader of the Warners. Wakko and Dot stared at him impassively. They were waiting for an opinion or an opposition. 

Yakko cleared his throat. “Uhhhhh–okay, Scratchy. We’ll try it. ”

“What?” Scratchandsniff crossed his arms, no doubt expecting a catch.

Yakko was more than happy to flounder those expectations: “We’ll be good kids. We’ll do it.”

“What!?” Dot and Wakko exclaimed, both jumping to their feet. 

Yakko shrugged his shoulder and shook his head lazily. “Isn’t it worth a try, sibs? Maybe we’ll get a whole new perspective on life— normal Warners, imagine that.”

“I’m trying, Yakko, I really am,” Dot droned dryly and rolled her eyes.

“Is this a dream? I must be dreaming.” Scratchansniff pinched Dot’s ear again, earning himself a mallet to the gut. His wheezing gasp turned into fits of crazed, joyous giggles. “You’ll be good kiddies? You really will?”

“No, I’m really Wakko!”

“And don’t get me wrong, Scratchy,” Yakko pinched the air, pulling an invisible string between his fingertips, “we’ll  _ try. _ That’s all I can offer ya, right sibs?”

“For once, I’m reconsidering your leadership position,” Dot murmured. The string pulled taut and snapped as Yakko crossed his arms across his chest. Scratchansniff wiped a tear and hid his wavering lips behind an open hand.

“Are we a democracy? Can we vote for a new leader?” Wakko stage-whispered to Dot, earning a snicker from her and a chastising glance from Yakko.

“Oh, ya wanna take a vote now? Well, too bad. I’m laying down… Martial law!” He cried and wrapped his arms around the two, pulling them back down onto the couch with a tickle-assault neither had seen coming. Bright laughter and the creaking springs filled the air. Dot clawed at the pillows until she managed to get a handful of itchy cotton and whack Yakko on the back of the head. Wakko kicked out like crazy, laughing his head off. Out of the corner of his eye, Yakko saw Scratchansniff’s crazed smile soften into something unmistakably human.

“Well, let’s see how long you will last! Now quit your monkey business and do your homework!” Scratchansniff gave each Warner a single pat on the head, his usual limit for casual affection, and left out the entryway. Yakko ceased his relentless poking and prodding and watched with a toothy grin as his siblings slumped onto the floor in a heap of giggles.

“That’s not fair, Yakko,” Dot whined, “you didn’t even let me debate you.”

“Like I said, martial law. It’s my inherent right as an American and a big brother to avoid a debate whenever possible,” Yakko pushed down on Wakko’s head to stand up and gestured for his siblings to follow. “Come on now, homework time.”

“Can’t we eat first?” Wakko asked

“You’re probably going to swallow your reading anyway, so go get it over with,” Yakko said and shooed Dot and Wakko off to the kitchen table. The apartment creaked and groaned with each soft step. It was, all things considered, a cheap, old place. The exposed brick in the living room was marred by water stains, and the hardwood floors were dull and splintery. Yakko, Wakko, and Dot’s interior decorating skills had stagnated somewhere between the 40s and 80s, leaving each room a mish-mesh of retro appliances they collected off the street and gaudy-colored furnishings bright enough to offend Yayoi Kusama.

The small kitchen, filled with teal cooking equipment, warmed as the trio entered and settled at the small stained table against the window. Out on the sill Pesto, Squit, and Bobby preened and clambered on about some new disagreement. Yakko pushed open the window, sending the Goodfeathers scattering and cursing into the air.

“Sorry fellas! Didn’t mean to ruffle your feathers!” He called, earning a string of lovely words from Pesto, most of which involved threats of a “canary surprise.” Yakko shut the window with a self-assured smile and pulled down the blinds.

“Whatta bunch of bird brains,” Dot said as she organized her textbooks and worksheets. “Speaking of bird brains, Yakko—“

“You know, corvids are highly intelligent. That could be a compliment in disguise, sister sib—“

“Oh! Don’t start with me! What were you thinking?” Dot stood atop her chair to meet Yakko’s height, “school’s going to be so boring now! I am not going to be polite for mean old teachers like Ms. Crabyne.”

“Yeah, yeah. What’s the point of school if it's not fun, Yakko?” Wakko chimed in unhelpfully as he folded one of his worksheets into a paper plane. 

“To  _ learn _ , Wak. And I did say try, Dot. Don’t let Ms. Crabapple walk all over you, but also don’t replace all her chalk with rusty nails either. Can’t we find a happy medium here?”

“I’d prefer a sad large, I think,” Wakko said.

“How about an angry small?” Yakko grinned elbow-checked him, making Wakko flinch and involuntarily send the paper plane aloft through the kitchen. It crumbled against the far wall with a delicate thump. Wakko saluted it all the way back down to the tiled floor, lower lip trembling. Yakko put a hand to his heart for the fallen paper craft. Oh, how the good die young.

“Not all of us have the gift of the gab like you, Yak,” Dot continued on as if nothing happened, doodling in the margins of her notebook and casting stubborn glances Yakko’s way. “You’ve got an easy middle ground, just don’t talk! What about me? I can’t just stop being so-cute-that-everyone-around-me-wallows-in-eternal-self-pity! And what about Wakko? He’s Wakko! You can’t turn  _ that _ down!”

“Looks like we already got an angry small, Yakko,” Wakko tittered. He stuck his tongue out as he began to fold another paper airplane. Dot stabbed at his worksheet with a sharpened pencil, prompting Wakko to cry, “Hey! What gives!”

“You’re taking this too well, Wakko!” Dot plopped back into her seat with a soft “hrumph!” and turned towards the window. 

“Well, maybe Yakko’s right! Maybe we can find new ways to have fun by being boring,” Wakko considered, balling up his nearly finished paper plane and popping it into his mouth. His resounding belch was enough to send Dot over the edge.

“Ugh! Disgusting! You’re both so stupid!” Dot gathered up her things and stomped out of the kitchen towards her room. Slappy played the harmony downstairs, thump-thump-thumping away with her broom. Yakko winced and settled beside Wakko. This was the pleasure of being a part of the most unmanageable group of children in North Hollywood— obstinance. If it wasn’t Yakko throwing a stubborn fit, it was Dot, and if it wasn’t Dot it was Wakko, and the cycle continued until, eventually, the one fighting against a plan finally conceded. Dot was the reigning queen of bullheadedness, but Yakko was not about to let her win. Not this time. He had, of course, a plan.

“Dot’s not gonna listen to you,” Wakko said.

“Oh, I know.”

“What if I don’t listen to you too?” 

“Then you won’t get to play the game I’m planning,” Yakko said with a smirk.

“What’s that?” Wakko quickly adopted the same expression, tail wagging.

“Well, I was thinking…”

———

Dot awoke the next morning nestled deep into her nest of pillows and stuffed animals. She stared up at her popcorn ceiling and inhaled the near-constant smell of markers and cheap makeup which covered her vanity counter. Even in the shadowy darkness of her drawn blinds, she could make out the white etchings in her pink walls; drawings made by herself and her brothers to make her room less lonesome. 

This was the first room she had ever slept in alone. Months ago, when they first moved in, she had been gifted the option of having her own room on account of all her girly things. Though she had taken the offer with far too much enthusiasm, when night came she had hightailed it straight to Yakko and Wakko in search of comfort from the oppressive darkness and quiet that came with sleeping alone. The next day, they spent hours leaving her messages, obscure celebrity caricatures, and alien monsters ensuring Dot that they weren’t going to get her. It helped, surprisingly. Whenever she was frightened of the dark, she would merely turn to Yakko’s crude doodle of Michelle Pfeiffer saying, “Somebody say fish?” 

Dot smiled at the memory, sitting up and stretching with an adorable little yawn. As she settled again, she realized something was amiss. The silence of the apartment rang like an alarm bell in the back of her mind. To say she was unsettled would only be the half of it— Dot felt unnerved to her bones. The Warners’ home was many things; exuberant, reeking of burnt plastic, drafty, mouse-infested, but it was never quiet. 

Kicking off her covers, Dot hopped out of bed and shuffled to the door, peeking out into the hall. Her brothers’ door was open, revealing an empty room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Howdy! I posted a few clips of this on twitter so I thought I’d post the stuff I managed to finish! I lost steam fast but I think there’s some gold in here.... Somewhere!
> 
> Follow me on twitter @animaniacsmime !! Thank you for reading.


	3. World War Warners

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wakko eats Yakko's pudding cup and all hell breaks loose.

Perhaps there was a full moon on the horizon— the type of full moon that adults sigh over in dismay on their three-hour-long astrology-centered podcasts. The type of full moon that beckoned college kids to howl while they clinked their flimsy red-solo cups together. The type of full moon that Scratchy often compared to them, a “zany, wild mood that makes all ze freaks come out for a spell.” Maybe that would explain how Wakko found himself at odds with his brother and sister.

When the Warners fought, they always went all in. Cannons and hard hats and battalions pulled from hammerspaces littered the water tower rooms. Yakko had taken up a position on the living room couch, hogging the tv and arming his sharp tongue to strike any little sibling that dared to step one foot into the common area. Dot, in all her rage, had ripped her bed from its bunk and stowed away in the bathroom-- a move which would, in a few hours and if Yakko and Wakko continued to avoid allying together, win her the war. Wakko was stuck in the middle, surrounded by his barbed wire and pillow fort in the corner of their kitchen, waiting for the current stalemate to wear out and another barrage of insults and cartoon violence to begin.

All was quiet on the battlefield. Wakko clutched a plunger and peered over his fort walls. He could see Yakko still lounging among the torn up cushions, flashing lights playing over his face as he clicked through channels in the dark. He was furious. Even if Yakko’s face was as calm as could be, Wakko knew he was still raging on the inside. To be fair, he had a right to be the angriest. 

Two hours earlier, Wakko had been peeling around the tower looking for something to eat. In the last place he looked (the fridge), he found something amazing: a single cup of lush, extravagant, expensive chocolate and vanilla pudding. It was a delicacy, one that rarely lasted long in the Warner’s water tower. The fact that Wakko had only just discovered it was a mystery in and of itself, but mysteries weren’t really his forte. He couldn’t even spell the word! Without thinking about any implications or issues which might arise from eating this lone snack, Wakko grabbed the pudding cup and swallowed it whole. It was amazing, delicious, extraordinary, and devoured in seconds. Wakko was sated until he hiccuped up the foil cover and found something horrific: Yakko’s name scrawled across the lid in Sharpie. Uh oh. He had, albeit unwittingly, eaten his older brother’s snack. Usually, he would have just shrugged and devoured the evidence, but he could hear someone moving in the living room, heading his way! In his panic, Wakko shoved the foil into a book that sat on the kitchen table-- one of Dot’s weird vampire romance horrors, and dove into a cabinet, just as Yakko entered the room. By that point, all the damage was done. A shouting match between Dot and Yakko turned into a manhunt for Wakko turned into an all out war.

He could solve all of this by apologizing, but then where was the fun in that? Wakko didn’t often have an excuse to pelt his little sister with pies or mallet Yakko until the other bid retreat. Fights like these put his wackiness to best use! Still, it was getting dark, and he was getting hungry again. Wakko rolled across the floor, listening to the creaks of the tower.

Another five minutes passed of nothing but tv talk show voices from the living room and distant riot grrrl music from the bathroom. Wakko finally gave in to his urge for In-and-Out and rolled out of his pillow fort and into the living room.

“Hey Yak-”

“Every word that comes out of your mouth is like anti-wrinkle cream for my brain, Wakko,” Yakko immediately began, not even tearing his eyes away from the tv. “Somehow, I lose more brain cells talking to you then getting whacked by your mallet. I’d say you’re a lost cause but that implied you were a cause to begin with.”

“Uh, okay. Yak-”

“The fact that you’re still standing there is a testament to your monumental lack of brainpower. Maybe you should introduce your top lip to your bottom lips and zip it.”

“Wow, Yakko, these are pretty good, but--”

“Uuuuuuuuh, you smell.”

“I’m sorry I ate your pudding cup. Wanna go get something to eat?” Wakko flapped his sleeves over his hands and gave his brother the best pout he could manage. Years ago, he had been a master at twirling Yakko around his finger. He has since been usurped by Dot, who made it a part of her personality out of spite. Still, he could tell by Yakko’s glance at him that he still got it, at least, somewhat. As a final act of apology, he shook one of his hands free to reveal a game piece from “Candy Land”.

Yakko finally smirked. “Uh-huh, Wakko, what’s that?”

“It’s a piece offering!” Wakko frowned, confused.

“I see. Just so you know, ‘piece’ and ‘peace’ are two different words.” Yakko hopped to his feet and shut off the tv. While Wakko tried to understand how Yakko could think the same word was somehow NOT the same word, Yakko set about picking up cue cards that had been scattered about the room. “So, I suppose you haven’t apologized to Dot yet.”

“Nope! I thought you’d wanna join me, Mr. ‘You’re The Worst Sister in the World’!” Wakko’s tongue lolled from his mouth as Yakko winced.

“Yeah, not my finest moment. I’m sorry too, Wakko. You’re not a lost cause and you’re not  _ that  _ stupid.”

“Fair enough!” Wakko bounced over to Yakko’s side and crushed him into a big hug which he happily returned. “I’m really, really sorry Yakko!”

“Save the really’s for Dot, Wak. You’re gonna need ‘em.”

The duo strolled around to the other side of the tower, following a trail of scratch marks and angry punk music until they found themselves before the bathroom door. “NO STUPID UGLY BROTHERS ALLOWED” was scrawled across a pinned-up poster board in a violent hot pink marker. Yakko and Wakko shared anxious looks before Wakko tap-tap-tapped the wood, loud enough to be heard over the music. Babes in Toyland’s hit “Bruise Violet” was abruptly cut off. Three stomping footsteps approached the door, and then it creaked open and Dot’s little black eye glared out from the crack.

“Go away before I spritz you,” she growled, shaking what must be a seltzer bottle on the other side of the door.

“Dot, we’re really sorry,” Wakko said, voice dripping with regret. “Really, really, really sorry!”

Dot squinted, then cast her toxic gaze to Yakko, who swallowed hard. “I shouldn’t have yelled at you like that, Dot. I’m sorry. You’re not the worst sister ever.”

She remained silent, her eyes narrowed to tiny black slits. Wakko cleared his throat to grab her attention. “We were going to go get food if you wanted to come.”

“Oh, why didn’t you just say so, I’m starving!” Dot pulled open the door quick enough to frighten Wakko and Yakko into a tight hug. She grinned wide, but the brothers could see the damage they had caused-- her fur was lined with tears marks and the bathroom was a mess of frustrations. Toilet paper hung everywhere, images of Dot smacking around her brothers were painted on the mirror in pink lipstick, and hot water poured out of the sink and tub, soaking her bed through. Yakko sighed audibly. Wakko thought he might explode again, but instead, he reached down and scooped Dot up into a group hug, ignoring her admonishing remarks.

“You are my favorite sibs ever,” he said.

“We’re your only sibs ever,” Wakko said, earning a chuckle from Yakko and Dot. He grinned again, wide and cheery, and admitted to wanting In-and-Out for the night while they all walked out together. Yakko was more interested in Taco Bell, though… And Dot was adamant about getting Wendy’s. By the time they were out the front door, the trio were chattering back and forth about the best spot for dinner. The full moon watched with a mischievous twinkle on its surface, happy to witness another zany fight between the Warners begin again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another day another unbeta'd fic! I hope you enjoy! Follow me on twitter @animaniacsmime for more stupid ideas like this one.


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